Now I'm already in the exam week with absolutely no exam mood.

What's happening to me nowadays? It really do seem like I had lost myself and will to study. I do not know what more should I do. Okay, since today I just finished my first exam, it really doesn't matter much to me. Being sad about not knowing how to do is just too stupid of me. What more can I do? What's done is done. No use crying over a spilt milk unless you work hard to milk another cow. Just a minor rambling today my dear bloggie...sometimes it really does seem like I have alot of friends and yet I didn't. Perhaps for them after reading this post, they might have this feeling, "ah, this guys is all emo again, guess I should approach him and say, Hey! everything is fine, don't worry, we don't think of you like that." Well, I thank you for still having time to look at this post, somehow at least you still thought of me.... And yet again today, I felt sarcasm everywhere...I don't know~ maybe it's their way of expressing themselves but somehow, that little cynical smile is what hurts me. Yeah I know you are brilliant, you are smart, you are popular....but is there a need to act so? No wonder you got what you deserve, in my opinion. It's funny how human interact with each other, the more educated they are, the more complicated it is to understand them and to read their mind.

I have got to be thankful to the little bunch of friends that I still have, who are willing to sit down and listen to my narrow-hearted complains, but that's all I could do. Otherwise I would have gone crazy.
I'm also thankful for her being with me all the time. Oh yeah, let me tell you something. There is this thing which i really hate the most when it comes to being in a relationship. I really do hate people going around you, forgetting about you when going for outing with one petty reason/excuse; Aiya, you got gf d ma....no need us acc u wan la rite? we oso dowan kacau u both sweet sweet ma.... Eh, hello? Who are you to me? You are my friends right? To me everyone is of equivalent importance to me. Therefore I really hate people who label me as a person who forgets their friend for his own girlfriend. Maybe you don't mean it, I don't know.....

Enough complaining I guess? Back to mugging. Till then my bloggie~

So why now? I guess its just the built up tension from everywhere.

So I take this post is for me to release my tension?

Or is it just another confession I'm not able to make verbally?

Frankly speaking,

I find it very hard to breathe whenever I'm with them,

Its just so complicated, I just don't know where I should start.

Well, I remembered in a not so distant past, when we're all so innocent and laugh and talk and do things together, whenever, wherever and whatever we want....

Now,

Things seems very complicated,

I sometimes do feel ostracized if you guys even ever notice at all,

Its always you guys who are feeling happy, laughing off nonsensical jokes,

Ask me if I even tried to join in with you guys?

I do, I seriously do!

What i get in return is just another hard to breathe situation,

the longer we converse, the harder it is for me to continue in the conversation.

So, in order for you guys to be happy as you all are, I back off.

Did you all ever notice at all? I doubt so.

You guys,

maybe you all might think i have changed,

but do you know, what you all might thought about me,

Is exactly the mirror image of my feelings now, perhaps worse.

Who should i turn to now? Well i'm not the only one as I know.

This friend of mine has already long had this feeling ever since i couldn't even remember.

Today,

Just one question from the Dr. you guys hate the most,

Slapped you guys hard on the face rite?

Or maybe not since you guys don't feel that you're in the wrong at all!

Sometimes, what you think is ok to you, doesn't mean it's ok to others,

As the saying goes, one man's meat is another man's poison.

You might not realised with your comment you've hurt my feelings.

Yes I'm busy with assignments, I'm tired,

So is it so wrong for me to express myself?

Don't compare me with you guys,

I don't mention, doesn't mean that I need to or is it a necessity for me to tell you I'm very busy and stuffs,

Things that I'm busy with, you know nothing and you just go around spitting whatever that comes to your mind.

Yes! I'm pissed! And angry indeed cause after all this you can just simply brush it off as if it doesn't even matter to me. If you guys are stranger to me, I would have already exclaimed "FUCK YOU!"

I told my friend that he should just take it easy and just let it be.

Seems like I'm the one that couldn't make it huh?

Everyday is a learning process,

Well, I learn how to manage my emotions day come day,

After a good night's sleep, I can still laugh and smile at you,

But the wound inside will not heal.

For you have hurt me deeply.

Perhaps its the expectation I have in you guys,

making me feel what i'm feeling now.

Let's just stop right here ok?

I wouldn't want to go any further now.

Till then.

and he could do nothing~

hearing her sobbing,

my heart turns sour,

he couldn't help but feel sad himself...

he just couldn't comfort her.

She cried,

All because of him,

always thinking of himself,

ignoring the position and situation,

she's been going thru~

He could do nothing,

he just couldn't....

but feel sad for her....

Sometimes he thinks of himself

as a failure

for not noticing such small details,

where others could,

All because of his carelessness,

She cried~

never before i rush my lab report like siao~

after back from sunway, go to kkm, then go foyer tot yizi they all wana practice dance, then back to room~

haha^^ go kkm find tze siong very hard lo....din bring my phone cos no battery d. so when reach KKm, i was literally like knocking every door, asking where tze siong is, cos he's my saviour for lending me his report to refer to, since he's my lab partner.

So went back to my room and took a bathe before starting to rush my "reference" of the lab report^^

Took medicine for my sore throat before starting(thx ^.~)

Did the report till 2am before planning to take a short nap(planned 1hr nap) as your's truly is coughing non-stop plus the drooping eyes. din sleep on the bed cos afraid might oversleep so end up sleep at the living room~ never expected that once i open back my eyes, my handphone screen showed me 6am=.=

Was freaking out since he missed the alarm as well=.= quick quick went to the toilet to wash his face then continue to rush his report~ thank god i made it arr~ tonite wan sleep kao kao d^^

The mood that is,

From a plain morning,

To a refreshing afternoon,

To an angry evening,

Full of pek-chek-ness,

To a blissful night.

The moment it skipped,

Not only once but twice,

Its so unimaginable~

Was it really an imagination,

Or was it a hint....

I don't know what to do~

Should I continue being like this~

Or should I move on?

It did again,

The dreaded feeling of my shrinking heart,

Familiar feeling that I can't forget,

I hate it~

Every time she surfaces in the midst of my thoughts,

Every time I wanted to suppress that feeling,

It hurts so much,

Being ignorant of her presence~

Will it be okay,

after a good night's sleep?

Will it be okay,

after I wake up from the dream?

Of me being in love,

With who I am not supposed to be...

Tears welling up with blood rushing all about,

Dilemma felt was never this great,

Trying hard to keep the tears in,

With the heart keep on aching~

I doubt anyone would understand,

For no one would ever care,

How I would feel in this place,

Where any choice would hurt,

Hurt so much,

That I would be crying without tears~